“Nope, my mother has absolutely no recollection of an apparent steamy night of passion with [insert generic username here]. Leading on from this, as you’re only 12 years old, I find it hard to believe that you’re my real dad.”
I seriously love a good troll as much as the next guy or gal. I love the way gamers can get under each others skins just by playing an online video game and repeatedly getting the better of them, over and over until they crack with the desire to hurl a torrent of misspelt abuse at you. That ‘…has left the game‘ notification is such a sweet sight as well!
I relish the abuse that sore losers and sometimes poor winners can often dish out. Does anyone else create little vendetta’s against opposing players in certain games? First Person Shooters are the worst for me, if I get killed by the same player two or three times around a similar area of the map, then my sole focus of the game will be getting the better of them. You know he/she will return as well as the battle unfolds, and the rivalry ensues. After the game, this often goes one of two ways. Either there’s a mutual respect, and the classic ‘GG’ is exchanged; or… well, I’ll receive a loving message regarding my mother’s intimate areas.
* WARNING *
Deliciously explicit content lurking below
This vendetta-lark I speak of, happened recently to me on Battlefield 1. I was locked in a sniper skirmish for well over 20 minutes. We ruined each other’s Kill/Death ratios, but there was a mutual respect at the end. I like to think there was anyway. We didn’t exchange messages or anything, because I didnt want to be the first one to send one (a little like telling your partner the ‘L’ word I suppose!). It got me thinking about past experiences with players sending me messages and made me research some of the best out there.
Here are some of my all-time favourite Xbox Live messages, I’ve dug up some absolute pearlers!
I play online on all three major gaming systems: Xbox Live, PSN and PC. I’ve always found that both Playstation Network and PC gamers are far calmer and often a lot more grown up than Xbox Live players. Hey, I’m not into generalising, but this sweeping statement is true for the most part.
As well as finding amusement looking at some of the best abusive messages Google’s image search had to offer, I did a bit of digging and found some rather interesting statistics. The average age of gamers on each system.
First rule of the World Wide Web is don’t trust everything you’re told. I mean, just look at those morons who put their iPhones in their microwaves because someone once posted online that it was a quick way to charge them up… you can’t cure stupid. What I’m saying is don’t quote me on any of this. If I’ve pinched it from some guy on the internet, he’s probably just made it up.
So, apparently the average age for an Xbox gamer is 18 years old. The average age for a Playstation-er is 28 years old. To me, that makes a surprisingly lot of sense. Whenever I play PSN, I always seem to run into either brolic guys with deep, gristly sounding voices or polite gentlemen that just want have a good game. Xbox Live on the other hand, typically has some squeaky little child singing, some chump with his music on and some fella with a peculiar accent telling everyone to “shut up”.
The average age for a gamer in general is 35 years young. That’s according to a survey from Entertainment Software Association. Yeah, yeah, I give credit where credit’s due!
It’s not just abuse and rage that can been seen on online games, you can see your fair share of weirdness too. From the bizarre, to the downright odd:
Sometimes, I’ve been known to reply to an abusive message. In most cases, it’s to drag the conflict on and to see how much of a player’s time I can waste. Obviously it’s often a waste of my own time too, but that’s a sacrifice I can be willing to make, if the circumstances demand it. Having said that, you can’t really argue against these responses:
But hey, it’s not all doom and gloom! Occasionally a miracle does happen. Although, this might be the only example recorded in history; the following image is in fact praise. Yes, you’ve read that right! A gamer praising the skills of another gamer. I know, I never thought I’d see the day either!